so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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