I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
