I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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