There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
