i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
