Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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