i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
