Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
