i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
