i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize