I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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