i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
