I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize