It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
