bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
