So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
