Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize