We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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