you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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