i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
