Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
