so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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