you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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