$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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