Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
