I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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