I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize