You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
