I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I could fuck to npr.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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