Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
