Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
