I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
