I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
