So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
