Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
