woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Randomize
