Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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