i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
