I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
