i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
