Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
