wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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