Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Randomize
