Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
