I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize