I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
