Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
there was a trapeze. enough said
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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