She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I love having hate sex.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
