I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
