So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
