I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize