how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
