We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
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