How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
