I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
