i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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