our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Sober January is a disaster.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
