if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Randomize
