I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
