we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
