ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
