I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize