If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
