fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
