mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
