you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
