1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Randomize
