Screwed.edu
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize