Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
