I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Randomize
