we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
