Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize