the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Randomize
