Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Alive.
So much puke
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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