You're my little dorito
i don't like sucking hair
Me too!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
