what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize