I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
